Recipes

Yuletide comes early to the Recipes, thus my favorite Holiday brunch-ish recipe.

WARNING: ONCE YOU MAKE THIS, YOU CANNOT TURN AWAY FROM THE DARKSIDE.

Thanks Fif!

Only ONCE Per Year French Toast Casserole

Day 1
Combine
1/2 c whole milk or half & half
1 1/2 c dark brown sugar
3/4 c unsalted butter
1/4 c + 2 tbs light corn syrup (Karo)
pinch salt
in a heavy suacepan over medium heat and stir constantly for 5 minutes. Pour into a lightly greased 13″ by 9″ dish. Fit slices of challah, brioche, Sally Lunn, french or stale Texas Toast bread over syrup. Combine
4 eggs, beaten
2 1/2 c whole milk or half & half
1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1/4 tsp salt
and pour over bread. Cover and chill overnight.

Day 2
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Sprinkle 3 tbs of cinnamon sugar over casserole, cover with foil and bake at 350 for about 20 minutes and then remove the cover for the rest of the cooking time.

Take aspirin or have another Bloody Mary. Your arteries need all the help they can get!

This is a gimme, but if my veg hating kid wants it, maybe yours will too?

RS Tasty Greenies

1 pkg prewashed green beans

1 tbs italian dressing (I use Wishbone italian in the spray bottle)

salt & pepper

Cook green beans in a glass bowl covered with wax paper for 4 minutes. Coat with dressing, salt, & pepper.

RS can make this herself and she loves to spray the dressing. She always gets the green beans and asks to take them with her to lunch the next day. These are better cold.

I made it tonight. I feel like doody. I’ve got this funk BabyDaddy brought back from Hotlanta. He also brought back a generous paycheck, but the cold has been here just as long. Bleh.

Sickly Tomato Soup

1 large can Campbell’s Tomato soup (gross)

1 c orzo

dried oregano

*smoked paprika

salt

1 can evaporated milk

**Robitussin DM

Cook pasta in boiling salted water for 6 minutes. Drain out half of the water. Add the “soup” concentrate, shudder, and stir. Add herb, *fancy, schmancy spice, and can o milk (because your milk is now a green planet.) Drink water and chase with Recommended Dose of **Robitussin more water. Stir. Serve. Sleep and pee. Blurg.

BabyDaddy and I scored some excellent, fresh lady peas from the green grocer yesterday. We also got baby sweet potatoes and the Best Tomatoes In The History of Man. Here’s what I do with super fresh lady peas (my favorite cowpea variety):

Fresh Lady/Purple Hull/Cow/Black-eyed Pea:

Legumes

Water to cover

Salt to taste

Wash peas and remove leaves and strings and shell fragments (It ain’t Grammaw pickin’ them clean anymore, kids. Machines can now sit on the glider on the front porch in the heat.) Cover peas with water by one inch. Add one tsp of salt per inch of water. Bring to a boil. Test after 10 minutes. Fresh peas are done when there is a bit of resistance to the tooth and a slight grassy flavor in the end product. Serve with cornbread/biscuits, butter, and hot sauce. Greens and sliced garden tomatoes are mandatory.

You are now a Southerner. Congratulations. Now go support the Dixie Chicks. Sketchy LOVES them.

THIS RECIPE IS NOT CORRECT. PLEASE SEE FIFI’S COMMENT FOR THE REAL LIPSMACKER.

BabyDaddy ate himself sick and wanted more.

I saw the recipe and would still feed it to my family.

Meet the epitome of Bad-For-You-Food.

Sharon Ritz by Way of Aunt Bunny’s Vermicelli Salad v. Fifi 2.0

14 oz vermicelli, broken into pieces

2 t Accent aka MSG

Nature’s Seasoning to taste (I think this is an herbal MSG vehicle)

1 10oz jar sliced green olives, drained well

1 15oz can sliced black olives, drained well

1 bunch green onions, sliced

1/2 c shredded carrots

2 c mayonnaise

Cook pasta according to directions. Drain. Add Accent & Nature’s Seasonings while pasta is warm. Chill. Add olives, onions, and carrot, mixing well. Add mayo to taste. Chill well.

Warm up the defibrillator.

And lordy, we’ll need them all. This is our Ichiban eggplant right now:

That’s one plant. Luckily, we all love this variety so the other night I wandered out back and gathered 2 eggplant and a handful of grape tomatoes. Oh wait a minute. There were no ripe grape tomatoes. Squirrels are satan. I swear. So here’s what went down:

Simple Eggplant Saute

2 japanese eggplants or 1 medium globe eggplant, cubed

1 onion, cut into half moons

3 sprigs of fresh thyme

olive oil

sals & pfeffer

Diced tomatoes or 1/2 can diced tomatoes (squirrels, grrrrrr), optional

Mix it til it’s tasty over medium heat. Add tomatoes once eggplant is softened.

Duh, huh? Picture Time!!!

No tomatoes.

Yummy.

The Recipes preferred the tomato version, but I think that’s because I under salted the other version which was lovely and subtle.

She was my grandmother, but so much more.

A real life force, Honey was the best person I’ve ever known. She was so kind, so gentle, so honorable. The last 10 years of her life were a blur of trying to keep her happy, in a good way. She loved her great grandchildren so much. It was almost more than she could take. She paid Mary, Mary and me to pick worms off of her Catawbas when we were kids. She was number one in the grandparent department, unconditionally. BabyDaddy knew it. We all did.

Miss Mary made horrible food, but she was the best person I’ve ever known. Fifi is allowed to have issues with her mom, but she was good nail polish, cheap paperbacks, terrible gossip rags, diamond watches, dirty Playskool toys, and white picket fences to me.

What a legacy.

The Last Thing Honey Made for Me

1 avocado, mashed

1 onion, diced

1 c mayonnaise

Mix all together. Let turn gray. Inform your grandchild you have made her favorite dish. Heap a 2 c scoop on her plate with saltines. Take 24 different prescriptions.

I love my Honey, but this was a Therapy Worthy meal. She would love that, lol.

Here she is, holding a bunch of random stuff a 4 year old gave her:

I made this tonight. It was not a total success. I think it would be in a rice cooker.

Much Lazier and It’s From a Can Enchilada Sauce Rice

1 c mild red enchilada sauce

1 c white rice

1 c water

2 tbs oil

Warm the oil in a skillet. Add the rice. Stir to cook a bit and then add water and then sauce when you can smell the rice toasting. Bring to a simmer and let cook for 10 minutes, covered. Add 2 parts water for 1 part sauce to the mix if you need to. Cook for 10 more minutes, adding water and sauce, until cooked.

This never cooked fully for me.

What I will do next time? Cook the rice in the rice cooker with the same 2 parts water to one part sauce plus salt.

I will update! (Because we celebrate the failures here too!)

This is how I found an interesting recipe on another blog, Karma-Free cooking. Madelyn has very kindly given me permission to recreate her recipe with some Recipe changes. There are a few more steps than I generally like in a pasta bake, but the efforts are interesting. RockStar and I think that we’ve come up with some changes to the next incarnation of Madelyn’s brainstorm.

Karma Free Pasta Bake, Recipe version

1 onion, diced

3 tbs butter plus 1 tsp oil

1 box Barilla Plus pasta

1 box frozen chopped spinach, thawed

1 c chopped tomatoes OR 1 c chopped carrots

1 c shredded medium chedder

1 c shredded Monterey jack

1 quart half & half

2 tbs mustard

1/4 tsp grated nutmeg or mace

salt & pepper

Step One: Melt butter and heat oil in a small skillet. Add onion, sprinkle with salt, and saute until onion is transparent. Pour into the bottom of a 9 inch by 13 inch baking dish. Add pasta and stir in onions and fat to coat pasta.

Step Two: Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Press spinach in colander or twist in a towel to remove most of the moisture. Spread over pasta. Scatter tomatoes or carrots over spinach. Spread cheese over the top of the dish.

Step Three: Pour half & half into a bowl. Add mustard, nutmeg, pepper, and at least 1 tsp of salt. Whisk until mustard has incorporated into mix. Pour liquid over the pasta and veggies slowly. Cover dish with foil and bake for 40 minutes, covered. Uncover and bake for 10 more minutes.

This was good, but a bit, um, curdy. Here’s what we’re trying next time:

In a large saucepan, melt 4 tbs butter. Add onions & salt. When onions are transparent, add 4 tbs all purpose flour and saute for one minute. Slowly add 1 quart milk to make a bechamel (fully explained here). When bechamel coats a spoon, add mustard, nutmeg, pepper, and 1 tsp salt. You can also add the cheese to this sauce if you want it more uniform and less stringy.

You will have to boil the pasta for this version because the sauce won’t release enough moisture to cook the dry pasta. Otherwise, layer cooked pasta, spinach, tomatoes/carrots, cheese, cover with sauce, and bake as directed.

I will keep you informed about the version Recipe 2.0

I have no pictures of this, but I did find an old pic of RecipeDog looking like the camera is sketchy. So cute!!!

I also cannot tell you how they were, as I don’t eat turkey. I’ll give you the recipe and then BabyDaddy will have to give you the critique later.

Turkey Enchiladas in Hatch’s Green Sauce

2 turkey thighs, baked and meat pulled in bite sized pieces

8 flour tortillas

shredded pepper jack and colby cheese, about 1 cup of each

1 diced yellow onion

Hatch’s green enchilada sauce

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Put tortillas in a stack in the oven while it warms up. Pour about 1/4 cup of the sauce into the turkey and stir to coat. Remove tortillas from oven and cover with a kitchen towel. Take your first tortilla and put about 1/4 cup of turkey on it, sprinkle with a tiny bit of salt, sprinkle on onion to taste, add a sprinkle of both cheeses, fold and put seam side down in an 8 inch square baking dish. I can get 4 enchiladas per dish and it takes a can of sauce per pan of enchiladas, plus the rest of the cheese on top. I like to bake 2 and freeze at least one (don’t put sauce on these) pan. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes.

Now, I do these with just cheese and onions for the RockStar and me and they are Migh-T tasty.

Street legal crack in sauce form:

So her name is really Aunt Bunny, but she has been tagged as Monnie here. This is her Kick Ass sweet fruit salsa with cinnamon pita chips. My heavens, it was fantastic.

Once upon a time, in a land exactly where I’m sitting, Sketchy and BabyDaddy adhered to the Weight Watchers gestalt. The only positive thing we lost, and then regained - in spades - from that experience, was one of BD’s favorite soup recipes. This is not a minor point, as soup/stew is considered a Perfect food by BD. We had heard of this mythical soup from Fifi and Mary,Mary (my sister). It was only in a Points System/No Meat format that this ubiquitous diet food entered our house.

Do Not Fear. I can make anything dangerously unhealthy. It’s my gift.

The Tomato Sandwich

2 slices rustic bread

1 garden tomato, sliced

mayonnaise

salt & pepper

kitchen sink

Spread a healthy, insulating layer of mayo on bread to protect you against evil. Sprinkle pepper on mayo. Layer tomato slices to desired slippage/depth. Sprinkle tomato slices with salt. Assemble sandwich. Cut sandwich in half. Eat over sink to catch drips.

Rinse. Repeat. Relax in the cool like these two ‘Mater Sammich Addicts.

I will in no way vouch for an accuracy in locale to this recipe (found in general status under Mexican Rice II at allrecipes.com, plus generous reviewer contributions which will be incorporated here.) It tastes just like what I get with the Number 3 Lunch Spechul at my local taqueria. If you have a basic level fuzzy logic rice cooker, you get the Lazy Man’s Special, if not, check your skillet often.

1 c white rice (never ever used here except for this recipe)

1 1/2 c vegetable/chicken broth

1/2 c tomato sauce

1 tbs oil or butter

1 small onion, diced

2 cloves garlic, smashed and diced

1 tsp salt, plus salt for The Onion Sweat - not a new band, by the way

1 tsp ground cumin

*Put rice in cooker. Add tomato sauce to cooker next so you can clean out measuring cup with broth. Add broth.

Over low heat, add oil to skillet. Add cumin, cook for 30 seconds. Add onion, salt, and garlic. Sweat for 5 minutes over low heat.

(If cooking rice on stovetop, add wet ingredients AND RICE now , stir and cover. Cook over low heat for 20 - 30 minutes. Fluff and serve.)

Add onion and garlic mixture to wet ingredients in cooker and mix. Close cover and cook per directions.

Enjoy and fight over leftovers. I would have taken a picture of the rice, but we ate it all. Tee Hee.

By the by, the tomato sauce is enough for three servings of Fuzzy Logic Mexican Rice. Just sayin…

* These are instructions for kitchen geeks with small to medium sized fuzzy logic rice cookers.

Canned tuna was on double deep discount this week so BabyDaddy and I stocked up. As I adore the Sabra brand Tuna Salad (and hummus - oh joy! the hummus), I decided to try to fool around with my basic Tuna Salad recipe. I don’t like it very much, but it will suffice when time and funds demand.

Old Skool Tuna Salad

2 cans tuna in water, dranied

1 big spoon mayo

1 big spoon sweet relish

salt

Mix. Die of boredom.

Now, my recent jaunt to the Mediterranean has caused me to try a radical thought - lemon juice and tahini in tuna. I also added some salt, some mayo, and a sprinkling of my secret shame, my secret love - smoked paprika.

Not quite there yet. It still needs something. Mostly something sweet to balance out the rest of the flavors. I’m not sure if this will involve sweet pickle relish or not, but I’ll keep trying until I realize canned tuna is a horror that cannot be saved. I PROMISE.

Last year I grew the Ichiban Eggplant and discovered a velvety, creamy, vanilla flavor when I roasted the fruit. This year, I put in another and we’re reaping the benefits tonight. So this:

Became this:

Which I cooked at 400 degrees F until nicely roasted. Then BabyDaddy scraped out the flesh (while I heated the pita. I’m a poet and I didn’t know it!)

Then I mixed the flesh in the blender with:

lemon juice

1 garlic clove

salt

olive oil

cumin

smoked paprika (optional but AWESOME)

tahini

And you have Baba Ganoush.

So Very Good.

(Let me know how much you love the short before the movie. All of the Recipes were in stitches.)

This is a beautiful, wonderful, very good movie. See it thrice.

I’m so in love with this. It’s expensive and goes bad quickly and it’s yummy and makes hummus into a sexy food again. I made hummus from scratch (because MamaSketchy is on an enforced vacation and feels the need to cook away her blues) today and I tried it with just cumin and just smoked paprika. The paprika kicked the cumin’s bootay. Here’s the hookup:

Hummus Among Us (The Hard Way)

1 bag of dried chickpeas

water

1/2 tsp baking soda

the time alloted to the unemployed

juice of 2 lemons

tahini

garlic clove

olive oil

ground cumin or smoked paprika

salt

Soak the chickpeas overnight. Drain, cover chickpeas with water by one inch, and cook with baking soda over medium heat for 1-2 hours, or until soft (adding water if necessary). Drain and let cool. Haul out your blender or food processor. Put half the lemon juice and one whole garlic clove in machine with a tsp of salt. Puree. Add a reasonable amount of chickpeas, oil, tahini, and cumin or smoked paprika. Add water if you’re blending. Puree until smooth. Correct seasonings. Store in the fridge for 3-4 days, if you’re lucky!

You’ve made a half batch. Repeat process from lemon juice or make channa masala with the leftover chickpeas.

EZ Chana Masala

1 tbs oil or ghee

1 tbs garam masala or curry powder

1 can diced tomatoes

leftover cooked chickpeas

salt & pepper to taste

Heat oil over medium in a large skillet. Add garam masala or curry powder and cook in hot oil for 30 seconds. Add chickpeas and toss to coat. Add tomatoes and lower to a simmer. Simmer for ten minutes. Serve over rice with yogurt and Major Grey’s mango chutney.

*A Cautionary Tale*

First the bizarre! I bought 62 food items from my grocer, including produce, dairy, & meat, and the total was $134.00. TRUST ME, that has never, ever, ever happened in the Recipe house. That is about one hippie/canvas/reusable bag for us. We can economize!

Now the tragic. The SR method of potato bakery involves a spud, a cotton towel, and a microwave. Then you wrap the hot tater in foil and let it percolate for about 15 minutes.

Had I known that this towel had a martyr complex,

or wanted to make a statement about the environmental effects of casual microwave use,

I would have listened and kept it in general dish drying rotation. But NOOOOOOO. It had to catch on fire, causing me to throw it out the back door, panic, and douse it with a carafe of water.

What The Hell? - I don’t mind telling you that I have had to have an extra glass of box wine to get through this. And I’m not the only one who is traumatized.

Anyone remember that commercial? Anyone besides me? (By the way, I’ve had to edit this post about 10 times. I hope like hell that you all like Iced Tea.)

In any case, I found myself leafing through my trusty loose leaf notebook yesterday, searching diligently for my old Cook’s Illustrated iced tea recipe. It was nowhere to be found and for 1 minute I thought I might have break down and get one of those free trials for their website. Then I’d never cancel and I’d end up paying for it for the rest of my life (Hi Netflix, you wily bastards. No late fees my heiner.) LUCKILY, I managed to find my favorite iced tea recipe in the free section of the site. I will now share the SR tips and tricks to the basic recipe.

Cook’s Illustrated Iced Tea a la Sketchy

5 bags Luzianne, strings tied to a bamboo skewer

1 quart water

6 tbs sugar (optional)

ice and more water

Put the tea bags and water in a cold pan. Start a timer for 10 minutes. Turn heat to medium low. When the timer goes off, the water should be dark and steamy with tiny bubbles. Take pan off of the heat. Mix sugar and and about one cup of water in a pitcher. Mix until sugar dissolves. Remove bags from tea. Stir hot tea from pan into sugar water. Add ice and water to preferred octane level.

Do this every day for all 8 months of Summer.

Anyone remember that commercial? Anyone besides me? (By the way, I’ve had to edit this post about 10 times. I hope like hell that you all like Iced Tea.)

In any case, I found myself leafing through my trusty loose leaf notebook yesterday, searching diligently for my old Cook’s Illustrated iced tea recipe. It was nowhere to be found and for 1 minute I thought I might have break down and get one of those free trials for their website. Then I’d never cancel and I’d end up paying for it for the rest of my life (Hi Netflix, you wily bastards. No late fees my heiner.) LUCKILY, I managed to find my favorite iced tea recipe in the free section of the site. I will now share the SR tips and tricks to the basic recipe.

Cook’s Illustrated Iced Tea a la Sketchy

5 bags Luzianne, strings tied to a bamboo skewer

1 quart water

6 tbs sugar (optional)

ice and more water

Put the tea bags and water in a cold pan. Start a timer for 10 minutes. Turn heat to medium low. When the timer goes off, the water should be dark and steamy with tiny bubbles. Take pan off of the heat. Mix sugar and and about one cup of water in a pitcher. Mix until sugar dissolves. Remove bags from tea. Stir hot tea from pan into sugar water. Add ice and water to preferred octane level.

Do this every day for all 8 months of Summer.

When I was first “dating” BabyDaddy, I used my cooking wiles to try to snag this Green Mohawked Adonis. One of my tricks was cooking delicious dinners for him to enjoy, and then “accidentally” belch softly in my ear while he simultaneously whispered sweet somethings. Obviously, my cooking and his Mad Wooing skillz have managed to keep us happily hitched for 15 years. I will now give you the sauce recipe that is the rubber cement during our trying times.

**This dish is especially dedicated to my Culinary Hypnotherapist, Larry and to Uncle Billy. These are my bachelor playboys and they need recipes that can be easily made on their jets.**

LemonWineGarlicButterOil Sauce

1/2 stick salted butter

Garlic, as much as you like, chopped

1 tbs olive oil, flavored is even better (See the Cornbread post for ideas)

2 lemons, one juiced, one cut in half

1 glass boxed white wine, dry and citrusy (if you must, use a screw top bottle) NOT OPTIONAL

Salt, pepper, and crushed red pepper to taste

1 lb raw, peeled shrimp

or

1 lb raw scallops

or

1 lb tilapia, chopped

or

1 lb chopped raw chicken breast

Melt butter in a nice sized skillet over low heat. Add oil and garlic. Sweat for a few minutes. Add protein, lemon juice, wine, and a pinch of salt. Turn flame to medium. Partially cook protein and remove. Add black and crushed red pepper to taste. Reduce sauce to barely coat the back of a wooden spoon. Put protein back in skillet. Finish cooking. Squeeze half a lemon over sauce and protein and taste for seasonings.

With this mixture you can:

Add to cooked pasta with parmesan

Sop up with crusty bread

Blend with vodka and drink with straw

Serve on a pile of mesclun or arugula with tomatoes and fresh mozzerella

WIN YOUR MATE!!!!!

**Here is an approximate representation of Larry - Culinary Hypnotherapist to the Starz

I subscribe to Everyday Food. I love this little magazine. I give it as gifts and find at least one recipe in each issue to try. This time, it was something from their cocktail section. Now, for me, gin is a special liquid. I have only ever had it in countless frosty martinis or in bottomless double highballs with tonic. It is my favorite cocktail liquor. When I saw it paired with lemonade, I thought I would vomit. I was extremely hasty. I’ll admit that. You can’t have more than one of these beauties because they’re too damn sweet, but you will thoroughly enjoy your first.

Thyme Lemonade with Gin

1 part sugar

1 part water

1 bunch of fresh thyme

6 4 parts freshly squeezed lemon juice  (I got a little juice happy there!)

Make a simple syrup with sugar, water, and thyme. Add lemon juice to cooled syrup. Strain into a pitcher and add water and ice to taste. Pour a healthy amount of gin (not the good stuff, Beefeater is perfect) in a large glass and add lemonade & more ice. Squeeze some fresh lemon on top and serve.

This would also be nice with some club soda or seltzer in the glass.

Hey, I live on the Sun. It’s hot. It’s humid. The Recipe house is not well cooled and it was built before 1935. I don’t like using the oven for about 7 months out of the year.

BUT

I will make my baked beans. They’re the best that processed foods can give us. One day, the sky will blacken and we’ll all be choosing between red and blue pills, but for now, we have my Party Beans.

Party Beans

2 cans Bush’s Vegetarian Baked beans

1 BIG OLE can, Durkee’s (I don’t care IF they’re called French’s now) fried onions

mustard, to taste (I use Dijon because I’m snooty.)

Mrs. Butterworth’s - that’s right, Mrs. Like all good things, she’s taken, boys - to taste

Caveat: Do Not Use Good Maple Syrup. For some insane reason, Mrs. Butterworth’s works best in this.

Preheat oven to 350 F. Pour beans into rational size baking dish. Add mustard and syrup. Stir and taste. Correct terrifying seasonings. Add equally frightening fried onions to oniony saturation point. Bake until bubbly.

Try to hold back tears as people you have handmade puff pastry for ooh and aah over this pile of scrumptious chemicals.

Let’s all have a chat about cornbread, shall we? My peeps are from the Deep South. BabyDaddy’s folks come from the upper Delta. We eat some cornbread here. Fifi makes her version for her To-Die-For-Dressing. I make what is basically a tarted up version of the original, non-sweet, cornmeal ONLY accompaniment to all things bean in this house.

DO NOT ATTEMPT WITHOUT A 9 OR 10 INCH ROUND CAST IRON SKILLET

Cornbread Puttanesca

2 c yellow OR stone ground cornmeal, house brand is Fall’s Mill

2 tsp sugar

3/4 tsp coarse kosher salt, 1/2 tsp table salt

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp baking powder

2 eggs, beaten

2 c buttermilk or 2 c non skim milk plus 2 tsp white vinegar or lemon juice

1 c corn kernals

1 c sharp cheddar or colby cheese, shredded (Please get pre-shredded. I won’t tell.)

Put a decent amount, 2-3 tbs, of cheap olive oil in your skillet. Put your skillet in the cold oven to heat. Preheat oven to 450 F. Mix together meal, sugar, salt, baking soda, and baking powder in a big bowl. In a smaller bowl, beat the eggs. Add the buttermilk and stir well. Add the corn and cheese. Mix wet with dry when oven temperature is reached. Take the batter to the oven, open the door, pull out the rack with the skillet, and pour the batter into the hot oil. Close the oven and don’t even peek for 15 minutes. Check every 5 minutes until the top of the bread is golden and set. Take the skillet out of the oven and let sit for 15 minutes. The bread is still cooking during this time. Slice and eat and eat and eat and eat.

To make this a High Class Call Girl:

Put one cup of olive oil in a pyrex glass measuring cup. Microwave on high for 30 seconds. Feel. Microwave for another 15-30 seconds or until the glass is hot to the touch. Add whole garlic cloves and/or any fresh herbs you have on hand at this time. Let the oil sit on the counter for at least two hours. Refrigerate and use for up to one month.

Use this oil for your cornbread. It’s subtle, but incredible. And always use protection. Especially with this recipe.

I knew I could make this at home. I was afraid of killing us all, but I got over that hurdle with the help of my Culinary Hypnotherapist, Larry. Do not make this if you don’t have a good juicing apparatus. The Recipe’s just adore the Black & Decker Citrus Mate Plus . RockStar uses it every damn day.

Anyway!

Shrimp and Whitefish Ceviche

1 lb peeled raw shrimp

1 fillet tilapia or other white fish (NOT CATFISH!)

3 limes, juiced

1 lemon, juiced

1 onion, finely diced

1/2 c tomatoes, finely diced (I use grape or currant tomatoes)

1/2 c cilantro, chopped

salt to taste

Chop raw shrimp into bite size chunks. Do the same with the fish. Add the citrus juice to the fish and shrimp and let sit for 5 minutes. Add additional ingredients. Let sit in the refrigerator for at least one hour. Taste for seasonings and serve with tortilla chips, hot sauce, sliced avocados, and extra sliced onion and tomatoes.

Keeps in fridge for 3 days, covered.

This recipe is rated HOLY COW!

He’s not my Uncle, but he is Uncle Billy. This is an approximated image of him:

(But for all the ladies in da house, Bill has a glorious head o’ hair.)

As Monsieur Guillaume is a gourmet, I have promised him the secret to Nirvana at Chez Recipe - Turkey Pot Pie. It’s all in the fillo dough crust and the long hours of loving hand work. Not really. Let’s bechamel, shall we?

This title is for all of the folks who remember disco skating and Simple Minds, whom I saw in concert thus rendering me more sensitive than you.

The “Smoke Up, Johnny! Bring Me My” Turkey Pot Pie

You need two turkey parts to bake. BabyDaddy & RockStar like a mix of white & dark so I use 1 drumstick and 1 breast. BD also likes the skin, so I leave it in, but he warns that it can be a bit “slimy”.

1 box frozen fillo dough

olive oil or melted butter for fillo*

1 onion, diced

1 carrot, quartered lengthwise and diced

1 stalk celery, washed and diced

1 tsp dried thyme OR 1 stalk fresh thyme, whole and 1/2 tsp dried thyme

4 tbs (1/2 stick) salted butter

4 tbs all purpose flour

1 quart whole or 2% milk

Veggies that you like in pot pie. I use frozen corn, frozen peas, sometimes taters, sometimes edamame

salt & pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 350 F. Wash, salt & pepper turkey pieces and put in an 11 inch by 7 inch rectangular pan. I use a clear glass job that I paid $4 for at a place that begins with T and ends with arget. Cover with foil and bake until juices run clear. Set aside, for days even. HOWEVER, I like to leave some of the pan juices in the dish to pour the filling on top of.

Have a cocktail. Get out one of the fillo packets to thaw (or thawl as RockStar insists.)

Melt the butter in a medium saucepan over medium low heat. When all butter is melted and sizzling, add flour and stir constantly so the mixture doesn’t burn. Count to 45 using the Mississippi/Chimpanzee method. Stir in 3/4 of a cup of milk. The sauce will “seize” or clump due to the chill of the milk hitting the butter - IT WILL BE OK.** When the sauce starts to “set” or feel dry, add another 3/4 of a cup of milk. Eventually, the sauce will begin to relax. This means it will take longer for the sauce to set. Add the fresh thyme at this point if you have it. Continue adding milk until the sauce coats the back of a wooden spoon, lightly.** Taste for seasonings and add salt and pepper at this point. Add the dried thyme.

Have a different cocktail.

Add frozen veggies to sauce. Cut or shred turkey into bite sized pieces and add. Let the combined filling cook on LOW for 5-10 minutes after you have tasted for seasonings.

Cocktail.

Make sure oven is 350 F. Pour delicious filling into the pan. Unroll fillo and cover with a damp towel. (Fillo dries out in 30 - 60 seconds so always keep the dough that you aren’t working with covered.) Place two layers of fillo on the pot pie. Breakage is expected and the bits that stand up are the crunchy goodness. Brush top fillo layer with oil or butter, lightly. Keep adding layers, 2 at a time, until you have at least 20 layers. Brush the top layer with oil or butter.

Have a snack.

Put the pot pie in a 350 F oven. Bake until bubbly and the top is a lovely golden brown color all over.

Consume. Put leftovers in the freezer. Eat within 1 month.

*I use olive oil in a Misto, but a cheap paintbrush, well washed, works just fine.

**If you put too much liquid in your bechamel, melt 1 tbs butter and 1 tbs flour in another pan to make a roux. Slowly start adding the thin sauce to this mixture. When you have half the original sauce in the new pan, add it back to the mother sauce.

This is no drawer-dropper, Billy, but it’ll do you right when things are cruddy at the Old Lady Towers.

Stay tuned. I’ve even charged up the camera for this one. That way I can take pictures of us puking up undercooked seafood!

You’ve got sauce. This is adapted from a Cook’s Illustrated recipe.

House Marinara

2 - 3 cloves garlic, chopped

olive oil

2 cans diced tomatoes

5-10 leaves fresh basil, chopped (this must be fresh basil)

sugar and salt to taste

fresh oregano (optional) and/ or crushed red pepper

Heat a few tbs oil in a pan. Open cans of tomatoes. Add garlic to oil. Let sizzle for 15-30 seconds. Add tomatoes and juices. Let simmer for 5-10 minutes over medium heat. Add basil and salt and sugar to balance out flavors. Add oregano and crushed red pepper if you like. Reduce for about 5 more minutes. Add to pasta.

Fresh tomatoes are heaven (in season). Canned tomatoes, especially Muir Glen, are forever. You can also add cream, pork, shrimp, ground beef/turkey, or chicken chunks to this mix.

ABUNDANZA!

You’ve got sauce. This is adapted from a Cook’s Illustrated recipe.

House Marinara

2 - 3 cloves garlic, chopped

olive oil

2 cans diced tomatoes

5-10 leaves fresh basil, chopped (this must be fresh basil)

sugar and salt to taste

fresh oregano (optional) and/ or crushed red pepper

Heat a few tbs oil in a pan. Open cans of tomatoes. Add garlic to oil. Let sizzle for 15-30 seconds. Add tomatoes and juices. Let simmer for 5-10 minutes over medium heat. Add basil and salt and sugar to balance out flavors. Add oregano and crushed red pepper if you like. Reduce for about 5 more minutes. Add to pasta.

Fresh tomatoes are heaven (in season). Canned tomatoes, especially Muir Glen, are forever. You can also add cream, pork, shrimp, ground beef/turkey, or chicken chunks to this mix.

ABUNDANZA!

You’ve got sauce. This is adapted from a Cook’s Illustrated recipe.

House Marinara

2 - 3 cloves garlic, chopped

olive oil

2 cans diced tomatoes

5-10 leaves fresh basil, chopped (this must be fresh basil)

sugar and salt to taste

fresh oregano (optional) and/ or crushed red pepper

Heat a few tbs oil in a pan. Open cans of tomatoes. Add garlic to oil. Let sizzle for 15-30 seconds. Add tomatoes and juices. Let simmer for 5-10 minutes over medium heat. Add basil and salt and sugar to balance out flavors. Add oregano and crushed red pepper if you like. Reduce for about 5 more minutes. Add to pasta.

Fresh tomatoes are heaven (in season). Canned tomatoes, especially Muir Glen, are forever. You can also add cream, pork, shrimp, ground beef/turkey, or chicken chunks to this mix.

ABUNDANZA!

You have a biological imperative to make crap ass Mac and cheese, right?

Here’s how you stick it to the kids:

Sneaky Mac & Cheez Additive

1 heaping cup baby carrots, whole

1 sweet potato, scrubbed - skin on

1 aseptic pack, silken tofu - soft to firm (optional)

Steam carrots, covered, in a microwave safe bowl for 4-6 minutes with 2 tbs of water - OR - steam in a basket over a pan of boiling water until soft.

Put washed sweet potato in microwave for 4-6 minutes, depending on size. Wrap in foil, plastic wrap, or 2 hand towels (one damp - wrap around potato first. Then the dry towel.) Wait for 20 minutes. You can also bake the potato in foil at 375 F for 40 minutes.

Let carrots and potato cool.

Put tofu, potatoes, and carrots in a blender or food processor. Mix ingredients until smooth. Measure out into 1/2 cup portions in ziplock bags. Put bags in frrezer.

To make Good for Mom Mac ‘n Cheese, boil pasta. Drain, and warm butter and puree in pan. Add milk and stir together. Add cheez pack and reduce to a sauce. Add pasta and serve to kids. Have 3 cocktails.

Woo hoo!

So here are a few activities that keep Ms. Sketchy’s kitchen cool.

1 - Wine in a Box. Experts say “it’s 2% less embarrassing than it was in the early 90’s!”

2 - Jello Pudding Pops. The vanilla pop, whilst looking a bit like a cross between what could impregnate a cow and a delicious treat, is deeply satisfying.

3 - My asparagus and tomato broil/grill.

The Only Side Dish You’ll Ever Need that Makes Your Pee Smell Musty

1 bunch asparagus, trimmed (if you ever peel asparagus I will come to your house and smack you)

1 cup grape or currant tomatoes

olive oil

sals & pfeffer

Preheat broiler. Put foil on a rimmed baking sheet. Put asparagus spears and tomatoes on foil and drizzle with oil. Toss with your hands and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Leave under broiler until tomatoes pop and asparagus is slightly charred.

This is great hot, cold, room temperature, the next day, and it KILLS at potlucks. Slays. Murders. It doesn’t commit sex crimes, but you might be missing a twenty in the morning. You won’t care.

So here are a few activities that keep Ms. Sketchy’s kitchen cool.

1 - Wine in a Box. Experts say “it’s 2% less embarrassing than it was in the early 90’s!”

2 - Jello Pudding Pops. The vanilla pop, whilst looking a bit like a cross between what could impregnate a cow and a delicious treat, is deeply satisfying.

3 - My asparagus and tomato broil/grill.

The Only Side Dish You’ll Ever Need that Makes Your Pee Smell Musty

1 bunch asparagus, trimmed (if you ever peel asparagus I will come to your house and smack you)

1 cup grape or currant tomatoes

olive oil

sals & pfeffer

Preheat broiler. Put foil on a rimmed baking sheet. Put asparagus spears and tomatoes on foil and drizzle with oil. Toss with your hands and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Leave under broiler until tomatoes pop and asparagus is slightly charred.

This is great hot, cold, room temperature, the next day, and it KILLS at potlucks. Slays. Murders. It doesn’t commit sex crimes, but you might be missing a twenty in the morning. You won’t care.

So here are a few activities that keep Ms. Sketchy’s kitchen cool.

1 - Wine in a Box. Experts say “it’s 2% less embarrassing than it was in the early 90’s!”

2 - Jello Pudding Pops. The vanilla pop, whilst looking a bit like a cross between what could impregnate a cow and a delicious treat, is deeply satisfying.

3 - My asparagus and tomato broil/grill.

The Only Side Dish You’ll Ever Need that Makes Your Pee Smell Musty

1 bunch asparagus, trimmed (if you ever peel asparagus I will come to your house and smack you)

1 cup grape or currant tomatoes

olive oil

sals & pfeffer

Preheat broiler. Put foil on a rimmed baking sheet. Put asparagus spears and tomatoes on foil and drizzle with oil. Toss with your hands and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Leave under broiler until tomatoes pop and asparagus is slightly charred.

This is great hot, cold, room temperature, the next day, and it KILLS at potlucks. Slays. Murders. It doesn’t commit sex crimes, but you might be missing a twenty in the morning. You won’t care.

But it’s truly awesome.

(Formerly known as Spoogie Fish Bake. BabyDaddy vetoed that on textural grounds.)

Fish Baked in Special Sauce

Enough mild white fish fillets for your crowd, rinsed and dried

Duke’s mayonnaise, Kraft if you must

Either fresh green herbs, chopped (we like parsley & oregano from ye olde gardeneee)

Or

Italian style bread crumbs - Ian’s is house choice

Preheat oven to 350 F. Put fillets on a rimmed baking sheet and salt. Spread mayonnaise over entire top surface of fish. Sprinkle chopped herbs or breadcrumbs on top. Bake for 20 minutes.

The herbs will get crunchy and the breadcrumbs will appeal to the 15 and under crowd.

I know this is late for your Hungover Sunday breakfast, but it should still garner you some eternal gratitude at various points in your life.

1-2 good eggs -you can save the cheapo eggs for baking - per person

1 onion, chopped - more for an orgy/brunch

butter - no margarine. no excuses for real, saturated fat.

As much of a jar of roasted red and yellow peppers as you need to face the day

feta - lots, chunked using the SR patented chunking method. (Fork, meet feta.)

Drain and rinse the peppers. Melt the butter in a cast iron skillet. Skinny folks will only have nonstick. It will do, but buy a cast iron skillet if you truly want a Life Partner in your cookware. Cut the onion in half on the equator, and then quarter it. Slice up half moons and saute in the butter until browned. Add the peppers and the egg. Salt and pepper to taste, plus feta and oregano if you have it. Leave on heat until slightly undercooked. TRUST ME. Serve to anyone still in your domicile. BabyDaddy and RockStar love these eggs, and we are not morning folk.

Here at Chez Recipe, it’s called Pasta Bake. As Mr. Recipe is currently living out of town most of the time, he feels compelled to recreate that feeling of “home” by making the very recipe that bores him to death here. Sweet justice for mama, no?

First, let me wax poetic about Barilla Plus pasta.

It’s not gross. It’s not grainy. It doesn’t taste like the box it came in. RockStar loves it.

Penne works best for the bake because the sauce can goosh into the tubes and cook the pasta from the inside and the outside. I use the rotini and the elbows for Kinda Greek Pasta Salad.

Pasta Bake

1 jar favorite pasta sauce (Mom’s is our house choice)

1 box penne

shredded mozzarella

Preheat oven to 350 F. Pour half the sauce on the bottom of a medium baking dish. Pour in pasta. Fill sauce jar back to the top with water and pour over pasta. Add salt or pepper and any fresh herbs you like. Make sure the pasta is level with the sauce or it will be too dry. Top with cheese and cover with foil. Bake for 40 minutes. Remove foil and bake for 10-20 more minutes.

That’s it. However, popular Recipe variations include: fresh mozzarella, a spinach and ricotta layer on top of the pasta with parmesan on top, and alfredo sauce over the pasta with italian bread crumbs on top. The possibilities are endless.

This is another planting weekend. Much to RockStar’s dismay, the Recipes are putting out the second wave of carrots and the first of beets. The carrots are some Purple Haze that I bought, and lost, and found, and lost, and tried to throw away but recovered, seeds from last year. The beets are golden seeds that I just got. No drama yet with them. So what is the best way to showboat some of these fancy colored carrots? Pasta salad, of course!

Kinda Greek Pasta Salad

1 box, Barilla Plus pasta, cooked al dente

1 c cherry tomatoes, quartered

1 c Carrots of Many Colors, cut into coins

1 can quartered artichoke hearts in water, rinsed and patted dry

1/2 cup roasted red/yellow peppers, chopped

1 chunk of feta cheese, chunked into lil chunks

1 tbs fresh oregano, chopped

Bottled greek vinaigrette (my secret shame. my secret love.)

Anything else you feel like chopping

Salt & Pepa

Mix it until it’s yummy. Best when room temperature, but cold ain’t bad.

This is another planting weekend. Much to RockStar’s dismay, the Recipes are putting out the second wave of carrots and the first of beets. The carrots are some Purple Haze that I bought, and lost, and found, and lost, and tried to throw away but recovered, seeds from last year. The beets are golden seeds that I just got. No drama yet with them. So what is the best way to showboat some of these fancy colored carrots? Pasta salad, of course!

Kinda Greek Pasta Salad

1 box, Barilla Plus pasta, cooked al dente

1 c cherry tomatoes, quartered

1 c Carrots of Many Colors, cut into coins

1 can quartered artichoke hearts in water, rinsed and patted dry

1/2 cup roasted red/yellow peppers, chopped

1 chunk of feta cheese, chunked into lil chunks

1 tbs fresh oregano, chopped

Bottled greek vinaigrette (my secret shame. my secret love.)

Anything else you feel like chopping

Salt & Pepa

Mix it until it’s yummy. Best when room temperature, but cold ain’t bad.

This is another planting weekend. Much to RockStar’s dismay, the Recipes are putting out the second wave of carrots and the first of beets. The carrots are some Purple Haze that I bought, and lost, and found, and lost, and tried to throw away but recovered, seeds from last year. The beets are golden seeds that I just got. No drama yet with them. So what is the best way to showboat some of these fancy colored carrots? Pasta salad, of course!

Kinda Greek Pasta Salad

1 box, Barilla Plus pasta, cooked al dente

1 c cherry tomatoes, quartered

1 c Carrots of Many Colors, cut into coins

1 can quartered artichoke hearts in water, rinsed and patted dry

1/2 cup roasted red/yellow peppers, chopped

1 chunk of feta cheese, chunked into lil chunks

1 tbs fresh oregano, chopped

Bottled greek vinaigrette (my secret shame. my secret love.)

Anything else you feel like chopping

Salt & Pepa

Mix it until it’s yummy. Best when room temperature, but cold ain’t bad.

This yogurt is heaven. It is bliss. It is all that yogurt should always have been, but never was. It is also impossible to pronounce for the Sketchy Recipe family.

Is it Fay’juh (lite schwa at the end)? No.

Is it Fay’yuh, as BabyDaddy asserts? Maybe?

Let’s consult the packaging, shall we. It states the correct pronunciation is “fa yah”. No long, short, or oomlot symbol provided as to the proclivity of that first A. I think I’ll just call it greek yogurt.

Seven Minutes in Heaven

1 container greek yogurt

1/4 c salted, shelled pistachios

honey

Put the nuts on the yogurt. Put the honey on the nuts. Eat. Savor. Contemplate modern Greek vowel pronunciation. Put more honey on the yogurt.

This yogurt is heaven. It is bliss. It is all that yogurt should always have been, but never was. It is also impossible to pronounce for the Sketchy Recipe family.

Is it Fay’juh (lite schwa at the end)? No.

Is it Fay’yuh, as BabyDaddy asserts? Maybe?

Let’s consult the packaging, shall we. It states the correct pronunciation is “fa yah”. No long, short, or oomlot symbol provided as to the proclivity of that first A. I think I’ll just call it greek yogurt.

Seven Minutes in Heaven

1 container greek yogurt

1/4 c salted, shelled pistachios

honey

Put the nuts on the yogurt. Put the honey on the nuts. Eat. Savor. Contemplate modern Greek vowel pronunciation. Put more honey on the yogurt.

This yogurt is heaven. It is bliss. It is all that yogurt should always have been, but never was. It is also impossible to pronounce for the Sketchy Recipe family.

Is it Fay’juh (lite schwa at the end)? No.

Is it Fay’yuh, as BabyDaddy asserts? Maybe?

Let’s consult the packaging, shall we. It states the correct pronunciation is “fa yah”. No long, short, or oomlot symbol provided as to the proclivity of that first A. I think I’ll just call it greek yogurt.

Seven Minutes in Heaven

1 container greek yogurt

1/4 c salted, shelled pistachios

honey

Put the nuts on the yogurt. Put the honey on the nuts. Eat. Savor. Contemplate modern Greek vowel pronunciation. Put more honey on the yogurt.

Salmon burgers are gross. Period. It’s just a Bad Idea.

My soft salad, however, is very good.

1 $3.99 (!) bag of spinach - this is not the GIANT bag of spinach, nooooooo. This is the small bag with some kind of magical four dollar property. BabyDaddy and I are going to try to smoke the rest of it after RockStar goes to bed.

1 ripe avocado - $1.99 *hold me* - sliced

1 container marinated goat cheese, oil drained and used as dressing base

fruit flavored vinegar

salt & pepper

Make dressing. Put expensive avocado on exorbitant spinach and add some cheese. Sprinkle with salt and pepper and dress.

If food prices continue to climb, Sketchy will be forced to start an entirely different kind of web venture to support the family’s food bill.

Last night’s post-Ironman/pre-bedtime snack:

1 container grape tomatoes, quartered

1 container perlini

2 tbs fresh basil, chopped

olive oil

cheap balsamic

salt & pepper

Mix to taste

The perlinis were great. They made the salad pasta-like. Even rockstar ate it up. Snap some up if you can find it in your store.

This morning’s recipe is fairly safe and straightforward.

Make toast

Spread with Nutella

Eat with the one ripe raspberry from your garden

We planted a raspberry a few weeks ago and now we are reaping the benefits of one fruit per day. That brings the cost per raspberry to $3 so far. I’m sticking it to the man, yo.